DANIEL VACCERELLI IS A COMPLEX PARTIAL OBJECT

if San Francisco was my girlfriend

if San Francisco was my girlfriend, I don’t think it’d be the healthiest relationship, but it’d be an adventure. She’d tell me that I talk too much, and I’d say that she had shitty taste in everything. She’d tell me I was a noisy prick and I’d bring up all her ex-boyfriends are a bunch of tools with stupid tattoos. She’d always tell me something I said was completely disgusting and I’d retort that her sense of humor fucking sucked and she should loosen up.

if San Francisco was my girlfriend, the sex would oscillate wildly, between “crazy intense” and “awkwardly acceptable”, and sometimes she’d accuse me of fantasizing about other cities. I’d be like, your sister Angela is a plastic whore, and your sister Josephina is as dumb as a rock, so that’s not happening.  When we’d get into fights, she’d bring up my drinking, and I’d call her a bullshit stoner, and she’d cry, and I’d be like “the truth hurts, huh, huh" and then I’d apologize immediately afterwards. I would take her out to parties and she would do cocaine and say weird things to people about bullshit authors and I’d be like this fucking shit again, why do you do this, and then we’d argue and she’d stomp off and leave and everyone would be like "aren’t you going to follow her" and I’d be like "fuck her, she knows where I am, I’m finishing my gin and tonic". the next day she’d send me an angry text and I’d be like oh, because stomping off was totally mature. 

if San Francisco was my girlfriend, she’d call me at crazy hours, asking me what I was doing, telling me I had to come out and see something, and I’d say, oh really, is it that interesting, and then I’d go and she’d be mad because I was bored. 

if San Francisco was my girlfriend, that’d just be weird

  1. callmequell said: Sounds kind of typical for you, actually.
  2. inspectorblog said: if san francisco “were” my girlfriend, vaccerelli. subjunctive case, you animal.
  3. lastnightswritings reblogged this from vaccerelli
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