Daniel Vaccerelli Reviews “McCartney II” In A Post-Ironic Non-Ironic Irony

Paul McCartney’s “McCartney II” is often as well received as a flesh wound and generally classified as a synth-folk avant-funk experimental style-pop prog-wave album, which makes it sound like whoever classified it was schizophrenic or perhaps just a pretentious bore. In an attempt to catch a bit of that leftover soft and fuzzy Chuck Klosterman-ironic era pussy, I decided to review the album with no touch of irony or hipster-cred modifications to my belief in any worthiness. 

Unfortunately, to my cost, I discovered the album was a labyrinth of experimental pre-hipster nonsense softened somewhat by an odd likability to the music itself. There’s a certain genius in it, somewhere, but it’s buried in the avalanche of madness. Some of this sound predates the genres it mimics significantly, some it just confuses all the senses, like coming home and finding your dog has turned into a dragon and fucked your couch. 

WIthout further ado, here is my track-by-track rundown; 

Track 1. “Coming Up”
Sounds like: Bar-Kays stuck in a room with a bunch of white people
Could be used for: Opening titles to a stoner buddy movie.  

Track 2. "Temporary Secretary"
Could be used for: Confusing your friends at parties. 

Track 3. “On The Way”
Sounds like: Bobby Blue Bland doing hair metal
Could be used for: Getting that slightly obsessive Beatles retro-indie fan in the sack. 

Track 4. "Waterfalls"
Sounds like: Andrew Bird’s suicide note
Could be used for: Andrew Bird’s suicide note.

Track 5. “Nobody Knows”
Sounds like: When Charlie Feathers did a duet with Johnny Cash on cough syrup and painkillers 
Could be used for: Making Stevie Wonder mad.

Track 6. “Front Parlor”
Sounds like: A sad machine alone on a deserted planet banging a metal head against the wall 
Could be used for: Communication with alien species.

Track 7. “Summer’s Day Song”
Sounds like: An artsy anglophile movie about to cry.
Could be used for: Banishing the Devil from innocent children.

Track 8. “Frozen Jap”
Sounds like: Steve Winwood’s worst nightmares
Could be used for: Plugging the reactor leaks in nuclear submarines.

Track 9. "Bogey Music"
Sounds like: The day after Charlie Feathers and Johnny Cash came down from all that cough syrup and painkillers
Could be used for: That song you use to confuse the rich kids when you have the dance-off to save the rec center.  

Track 10. "Darkroom"
Sounds like: Missy Elliot’s tears. 
Could be used for: “Getting ur freak on” (paraphrased) in a darkroom.

Track 11. “One Of These Days”
Sounds like: Paul forgot how to play instruments.
Could be used for: Involuntary committal.

Track 12. "Check My Machine" 
Sounds like: The Prodigy’s unfortunate Bollywood phase.
Could be used for: Sterilization of distant sheep farms for strategic castration purposes.  

Track 13. “Secret Friend”
Sounds like: Ten and a half minutes of indecisive unfinished techno about to fall off 
Could be used for: A significantly superior Postal Service record.  

Track 14. “Goodnight Tonight” w/Wings
Sounds like: That time Michael Jackson touched you inappropriately
Could be used for: A lawsuit. 

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