Going back to my roots; THREE PIECE SUITS AND BAR CRAWLS
Seventh Doctor nonwithstanding
Hands up of you think the Doctor ditching Old Amy in “The Girl Who Waited” and making Rory choose was probably the cruelest moment in New Who.
that awkward moment when everyone on your fucking...
sometimes it’s really hard to not respond to an editor’s email with WELL YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK IN HELL
Day One (Night One?)
Here we go.
A blowjob is really just the opera version of a kiss.– My dad
I dunno about you but from now on whenever someone drones on about how great their relationship is I’m gonna Japanese karaoke drama-fuck the song “One Is The Loneliest Number”.
Some raw, choked smoke hangs above the throbbing beats in the strip club. Every song is distilled to a raw, sexual essence. From classic rock to ridiculous hip-hop. The girls move in synthetic, hyperbolic fuck-thrusts and glassy-eyed freelance sways. Everyone’s a lurid pulse. Blood beats somewhere, everywhere. The DJ’s words bypass the music, like a car turning around a downed tree. ...
everythingisstupid asked: You post glamour pictures of yourself more than a teenage girl.
I know I’m back in San Francisco because I got into a fifteen minute long argument about why Drive is/isn’t sexist (strong violent male lead and motherly weak female lead vs. character development and the use of “stock” characters and deliberate cliche to dichotomize the Driver). Oh boy, oh boy.
THIS EAST COAST ISN'T AS GOOD AS THE LAST EAST...
this trip back’s been a bust. my last trip back was phenomenal. but then when I went back to SF after that, I was going back to a huge new apartment and a new fancy high paying job with infinite potential. now I’m going back to a small transition apartment and a new fancy high paying job and no idea what the fuck I’m doing. the last trip back was erotic and exciting and I got...
vacations: a bay area perspective
Me: Man, it'll be good to be back home in SF.
Trip: Yeah, going from a city full of people you can't stand to a city full of people you can't understand.
Me: ...god damn it.
I dunno about you guys but I'm all about the...
Good with my hands. /cracks knuckles
this is how he deals with technology
Dad: My laptop is broken.
Me: Have you alerted the UN?
Dad: Fix it.
Me: Okay. What's the password?
Dad: A lot of numbers.
Me: ...what are the numbers.
Dad: No, the password is "alottanumbers". That's what the geek I bought it from told me was safest.
Me: That's probably the safest password ever.
the fluid from the bag is cold when it hits your vein, like the sneer on the sheriff’s face. shades climb down almost to his mustache. “killed your wife,” he growls, “good fucking job.” the scientist next to the sheriff adjusts his perfect, small, very round glasses and looks up at numbers and letters streaming down a screen. a waterfall of information reflects in...
welp it's my last day before heading back to my...
and I’ve accomplished absolutely nothing of interest on this trip besides perhaps adding a bit of vestment and cardiganation to my wardrobe. mostly it’s just been family (on my case about a bajillion things), and bumping into like two people I haven’t seen in years. DIDN’T EVEN GET LAID.
me: how are you doing?
hot friend: not too good, me and that chump I was seeing broke up.
me: oh, awful.
hot friend: hold on --
hot friend: okay, now I have a new boyfriend, and he's the best thing ever, and he understands me, and I love him.
me: it's been ten minutes.
hot friend: so?
me: ...where the fuck are my cigarettes.
well, I have a cold, I’m half-drunk, and it’s time to make spiked hot chocolate. THIS WILL FIX EVERYTHING. except my hair.
then I punched him
Me: Dammit, why is everyone else's life a delightful romcom and mine just a Woody Allen medley.
Uncle: Really it's because you're that surly disappointed oversexed romantic secondary character. You get laid a lot, but because you never learn your lesson, you keep making the same mistake.
Uncle: And because you keep making the same mistake, you're doomed to be that same one-note side character forever. You'll give great advice to the main character, and have a lot of laughs, but you'll still just be THAT.
Me: I'm going to punch you.
life in the bay
me: why hello
hot girl: hey I'm into activism and social change trans bi-queer gender politik resource learning with a poly triangle and Occupy! Occupy!
me: god damn it where are my cigarettes
the Empire strikes back
Dad: What are you making?
Me: Hot chocolate, I'm coming down with something.
Dad: Hot chocolate...does it have whiskey in it?
Dad: Oh, I know what you're coming down with. All the dicks in the ass you picked up in San Francisco. Put some whiskey in the damn cocoa.
the saga continues
Dad: So get a new girlfriend yet?
Me: Not quite, Dad.
Dad: Ah, you just gotta talk some sad girl who got pretty into riding your dick until she thinks you're top dog.
Me: Oh, okay.
yeah he's like this all the time
Dad: Goddamn Penn State whiners. Like we all didn't go through a phase where some guy in gym shorts wasn't trying to mouth-bang us some roofie-laced wine and finger our asshole in the locker room.
Me: You know, people back in California ask why I'm so sensitive, and I always tell them, it's the strong positive role models I had growing up.
Dad: Quit being a faggot.
Me: POSITIVE ROLE MODELS.
you ever have one of those moments where you’re like “wait — am I horny, or am I tired?”
DRUNK ON SUIT POWER
well I did that thing I do where I sell most of my random belongings back east and then I go out and buy a shit ton of suit related stuff but fuck yeah, three argyle sweaters, two sweater vests, a bunch of cardigans, three ties, a three piece suit, a pair of vans that match one of the ties (I noticed this, couldn’t resist), and a random old school vest. some will have to be fitted or...
Suit shopping at some unnamed outlet in nowheresville SO MANY VESTS
well I’m sufficiently hungover enough to make today interesting
NEED TO WRITE MORE SHORT STORIES DAMMIT