Okay, maybe I compartmentalize my sexuality too much. BUT HEY IT LEADS TO GOOD POETRY SO FUCK IT RIGHT?
Corporate Bathroom Usage
- Adam: When you come over, you should turn off your phone so you can't get called in.
- Me: The stuff I get called in for is project related, and that affects my pay.
- Adam: Listen man, I don't understand your corporate mumbo jumbo, all I know is your phone can't work if it's off.
- Me: Okay. So.
- Me: If I don't answer my phone when I need to.
- Me: LESS MONEY.
- Me: Do you understand that?
- Adam: You and your crazy executive talk.
- Me: God damn it.
- Adam: Man, it's like I can barely understand you now.
- Adam: Good luck with the merger account acquisition interstice.
- Adam: Pro bono! Stocks!
- Me: You fool! Don't summon the lawyers from the lawyerpit!
This Is The Guy Who Accused Me Of Being "Unpatriotic" For Not Caring About The Giants
- Tom: What're you reading, Boss?
- Me: Baudrillard's "America".
- Tom: What's it about?
- Me: ...American ideology.
- Tom: What's that?
- Me: The guiding principles of media, sociology, the ways we think and are forced and prompted to think by great cultural mores, and an analysis thereof.
- Tom: That's wrong.
- Me: ...what the fuck are you talking about, Tom?
- Tom: It's wrong.
- Me: No, it's not a "right or wrong", it's an analysis, you cretin.
- Tom: How can they "analyze" ideology?
- Me: Jesus Christ, Tom, I know you're from LA, but how are you this fucking stupid?
- Tom: I'm not stupid!
- Me: Tom, you don't even know what a pun is.
- Tom: It's a person being used for a means that is against their interests.
- Me: ...Jesus Christ, Tom.
- Boss: [staring]
- Me: ...what?
- Boss: It's so weird that you're so self-actualized.
- Boss: But at the same time, you say some of the least self-aware, dumbest shit I've ever heard someone say.
- Me: In my defense, sometimes I'm really drunk in the middle of the day.
Today I have to meet with our sales director, who apparently thinks I’m all “cunning bravado” or something and frequently writes emails trying to get me transferred or fired (I know people in HR, be cool), so I’m just going to be ruthlessly polite and stick around his office just a bit too long making small talk and seeing just how far I can push him, because you keep your friends close, but you fuck with your enemies because life is too short not to make them sweat a little.
Whoever wrote GTA V hates LA more than I do, and I fucking hate LA.
"Lucy" was actually good. I was a bit surprised - though the whole uproar about the "10%" thing didn’t bother me —since Luc Besson has not been…reliable for good cinema. But, it’s got what you want from a Besson movie — wacky special effects, crazy set pieces, extended gunfights, and Scarlett Johanssen. Sweet, sweet Scarlett Johanssen.
Bizarrely, my old boss from Paramount and my current boss know each other, in some sort of North of no South British Californian alliance. To be honest, I didn’t know the guy from Paramount was actually British, I just thought he was an LA douchebag trying to sound sophisticated. Anyway, weird. Small world?